The Point of Power is in the Present
There is a saying that frequently comes to mind that “The point of power is in the Present.” So this can mean that the actions we take and decisions we make RIGHT NOW determine our use of our personal power.
The Point of Power is in between the Stimulus and my Response to it
There is another saying “The point of power is in between the stimulus and my response to it.” This means that in the time between an event which is anything that causes a usually automatic response [could be an emotion evoked or an ‘reflex’ reaction] and what we actually do – is a great source of power.
When we remember that about 99% of the things we do daily are completely unconscious to us because our brains have set up lots of programs to save us time and keep us safe. One example is an insect lands on our nose – we automatically swat at it. The insect landing is the stimulus – the swatting is our response. Having an automatic response means that we REACT faster as we don’t have to think about it – which means we save some thinking [which uses a lot of energy], plus it is probably safer for us most of the time to react quickly to a threat.
Automatic is not always the best gear for responses
The challenge is that our brains like to put as much as possible onto automatic. This includes our responses to stimuli that may not be life threatening. For example if a colleague says something that immediately causes an emotion to occur in you. Perhaps anger.
The words said act as a trigger, and an immediate response is changed hormone levels, feeling of anger or outrage, and possibly a direct outburst of either defense or retribution.
In most cases – this direct, REACTIVE, automatic response is not the ideal action.
Push the PAUSE Button
So – a great source of power lies in a PAUSE after the trigger. An event happens that would normally have a torrent of emotion firing – can be controlled. First with an awareness that someone has pushed one of your buttons – and during a slight pause of only a second or two – you get to decide if and how you are going to >>react<< to that button push.
My wife and I here in Townsville have created the idea of an imaginary button in the middle of our foreheads. When either of our beautiful children does something that all parent will recognize as “pushing our buttons” in an extraordinarily annoying way – we look at each other and tap our foreheads, then smile at each other – which dissolves the previous programmed response which was to get really annoyed. In NLP terms this is called a ‘pattern interrupt’.
Examples with children can be them just using an annoying voice – over and over. Or rattling something on the table – or kicking the table or the back of your seat in the car.
As soon as we increase our awareness of triggers being pulled or buttons being pushed – we get to choose our response. We are no longer a victim and it we allow someone or something else to control our emotions, feelings or thinking – it is up to us! We can give them that power – or not.
If it’s to be – it is up to me
Only I can decide and do this for myself. There is only one thing that we have complete control over in our lives – and that is our thinking, our response to stimuli. Step one is to recognise the stimuli – and create a gap. This gap turns off the “Automatic” response.
Whether it is the annoyance that occurs when someone cuts you off in traffic, or roadworks that are going to make you late for something ‘important’. Or the toddler who has an truly penetrating and constant shrieking nose going on at your coffee shop (which their parent allows to continue)…..
Each time we recognize and defuse an automatic reaction we increase our success skills in all areas – including business.
Please post below some examples of you “buttons” and “triggers” that previously would have caused you to produce certain emotions in the past. Writing them down will help you disconnect/interrupt them. It will also help me and all readers recognize more and more.
Remember to remember to be happy,
James Hooper
Business Coach Townsville