In Part 1 of this series (Here) we discovered that struggling is a choice.
Struggle is a mind state – and we sometimes choose to remain in the struggle state – even when we become (again) aware of it.
And in our first part it was simply suggested that we increase our awareness of it, uncover what benefits having a solid story about “how hard we are working/tough we are doing it” give us, and then decide (and commit) to doing struggle less.
On occasions I will meet up with business owners at random social events, and “chit-chat” will reveal they are “struggling”.
Over the years my approach to these conversations has changed dramatically. Initially my head would immediately move to questions that suggest ways to improve their business lots. Over time, decades even, I realized that the first step was not to find the answer to their marketing or systems or cashflow or whatever.
The first step was to uncover if they wanted something other than what they were getting. In the absence of desire for a change – it is irrelevant (and frustration creating) to attempt to guide or advise anyone on anything. I am sure you know what I mean.
Think of someone who has a problem to which you know a great solution. It might be health, it might fertilizing a lawn, it might be tuning a car that blows black smoke. YOU know your solution will work – yet the person who “needs” it – just wont even give it a decent go.
I call this “Rejected Help Syndrome”. And what it does is affect YOU more than the “problems” of the person you want to help affects them. This means that you try to “help”, they listen but then do nothing different. This affects YOUR state – you may become bitter and twisted about it. You may even choose to stop offering to help people.
The answer for me? Never offer a solution unless I have confirmed that the other person has confirmed they are wanting to change or transform. Nope – just keep quiet.
What has this to do with “struggle”? Hang loose Mother Goose – we will get there soon!
So – now when normal conversation leads to someone admitting (often proudly like a badge of honour) that they are struggling (valiantly struggling) – I simply take a sip of my drink, nod if appropriate, and count to 20.
There is a saying that people do not like to be wakened. Having a nap, or just daydreaming. You are sitting in school, staring peaceably out the window, calm quiet reverie. WHAM the teacher slams a book on your desk and loudly spouts “Will you be joining us today Mr Hooper?” Does that cause me to have kind thoughts about the teacher, or be in a better state for learning?
While a friend (or acquaintance) is reliving how tough things are for them, rebuilding and strengthening their “hero” status in their story – “grinding” and “battling” and “inching one step forward and two steps back” – they are ASLEEP. In a sense anyway.
They are in their own movies. In a cinema you can forget you are sitting there watching – your attention and awareness are IN the movie. Being woken from your own movie is NOT likely to be happy with the person who WOKE you.
And some smart arse at a Barbecue who responds to your dismal tale of struggle with comments like “Wow, awesome. How are you managing to get such constant poor results? My clients are all kicking butt all the way to the bank. Why did you choose to struggle instead of doing things properly? Maybe you should write a book on how to struggle in any economy?”
And there you have the school teacher slamming the dreaming student. The person behind you talking loudly in the movies – causing your attention to fall out of the movie. Or just someone waking you on a long flight just after you nodded off to serve you a meal at midnight. Are you going to listen closely – or are you going to defend you story, your position, your reasons.
There is a saying that “when the student is ready, the teacher appears”.
I think more accurately that when student is awake, the paths to solutions appear. And to get the solution – I have to take a step along the path. Movement is essential. When I take even one decisive step, I TRANSFORM our view of my world and myself.
And that is the secret to Part 2 of Escaping The Struggle of Work.
Transform only those who are ready and willing to be transformed. And this includes ourselves.
In reference to the “act of struggle” – if YOU have been struggling – and all of us do to some degree – then look a full-length mirror and ask yourself “Am I awake to struggle, and ready and willing to be transformed?”
And the path to freedom from struggle of work will appear, ready for your first easy steps. (Part 3 soon, so be sure to subscribe).
Cheers
James Hooper
Townsville